A Detox for Your Baseball Soul

It was July 1st.  I was an hour into a Johnny Carson documentary when my hand grabbed the remote control.  My thumb shook as it stretched for the button to turn off Netflix in favor of cable.  I knew it had to be about the seventh inning of the Phillies game against the Marlins.  Just before my thumb pressed that button, I regained composure and finished the Johnny Carson flick, The Kind of Late Night, which I totally recommend if you spent any time as a kid or adult watching the old Tonight Show.

This wasn’t the first detox program I’ve voluntarily embarked upon.  I’ve done a five day mung beans & rice detox.  I’ve done a three day fruit only detox.  Most recently, I just finished a ten day sugar detox.  I caught some doctor on PBS after midnight talking about how food is engineered to make us addicted to sugar.  That addiction can cause irritability, high blood pressure, inflammation, joint pain, digestive disorders, skin issues, basically eveything.  He said ten days was all you needed for your tastebuds to go back to normal.  Ten days laters, my beloved Starbursts were far too sweet to enjoy.  This guy was onto something.

The point of a detox is to rid the body of toxins.  The success of the sugar detox had me searching for other toxins in my world, aside from alcohol.  Let’s not get ridiculous.  Was there anything else in my life that could cause me high blood pressure, digestive issues, irritability?  Absolutely!  The Philadelphia Phillies.  In addition to the aforementioned conditions, the Phillies are a source of chronic tension, lack of sleep, frustration, and depression.  A Phillies detox was in order.

The first night was brutal.  I had the shakes.  I fought off a repetitive onslaught of urges to check my phone for a score and get into the car to turn on LA and Franzke.  I hit the bottle to take the edge off.  The Phillies lost in the 11th.  I know because I listen to WIP in the afternoons.  I heard the callers’ frustration.

Day 2, Wednesday July 2nd, was a little easier. The Phillies lost 5-0 and I witnessed not one inning or at-bat.  The callers on sportsradio were more frustrated than the day before.  Day 3 became even easier.  I had friends visiting from Brooklyn for the 4th of July weekend.  The weekend cruised by without the slightest urge to tune into a game.   I even ventured into establishments without televisions, which I never do while the Phillies are playing.  [Charlie Was A Sinner on 13th Street is worth checking out]

Day 6, Sunday July 5th, my friends were back in Brooklyn.  My buddies at the pub were all fired up after the Phillies had been swept by the Pirates and gone 1-6 in their last seven.  I felt great!

Day 7, Monday morning July 7th, I heard Ryne Sandberg on the Morning Show mentioning how he was looking forward to the return of Galvis and Ruf.  If I wasn’t on this detox, my blood pressure would’ve ventured into dangerous territory.  Galvis is a .200 hitter and they sent Ruf down to the minors.  Now, these are his saviors?  Strangely, I was angered at all.  Instead, I found this hysterical, actually to the point where I did laugh out loud.

I needed baseball so I watched the MLB Network.  I know the Phillies won the series opener with the Brewers only because of highlights shown during the Yankees/Indians game.

Today, Day 8, Tuesday July 8th, I heard Ruben on WIP while at the gym.  This guy brings up Ruf and Galvis again.  He’s clueless.  He also discusses Ryan Howard changing his hand position on the bat.  Roben’s nonsensical banter has no effect on me.  He can’t bring me down!  I feel better than yesterday.

This detox has done wonders for my psyche.  I feel ready to go back to watching this team perform like a last place team on a nightly basis.  Before this detox, I might have gotten sucked into Howard’s new hand position offering hope for a turnaround.  I may have hope for a Ruf return to replace Dom Brown.  A little bit of distance has me grounded in reality. None of that matters.  This team stinks.

It’s like a work project that you might be stuck on.  While your consumed and in it, you can’t figure out a solution.  Solutions often arise only when you step away from the project and distance yourself from it.  Relationship are like that, too.  Sometimes a break is needed for the participants to gain clearer vision and objectivity.

That’s how this detox has worked for me.  I loved the 76ers tank season.  I found it fun.  Before the detox, I found no humor in this Phillies season.  Instead, I wanted to constantly vent and smash things.

Now, I’m ready for the Phillies to tank for Daz Cameron.  He’s the son of MLB veteran Mike Cameron.  Daz is 6’1′ high school centerfielder that many project as the #1 overall pick in the 2015 MLB draft.  He projects to be a five tool player with more power than his father.  This season has taught all of us one thing.  The Phillies need to develop some stud outfielders.

I feel refreshed and renewed.  The typical cast of characters (Amaro, Montgomery, Wolever, Revere, Sandberg) no longer irritate me.  They amuse me.  Thank god.  I still have seven games left in my partial season-ticket plan.  Being amused is the only way to make those games enjoyable.  Some of my friends have taken to betting against the Phillies and they are definitely winning more than losing.  I can’t do that yet.  However, the Nats are coming up!

I advise Phillies fans all over the Delaware Valley to perform a Phillies detox of your own.  Step away.  Smell the summer air.  Come back to the team in 3, 5, 7 or 10 days and the remainder of your summer will be far more enjoyable.

I may start watching again tonight.  However, Kyle Kendrick is pitching so I may actually wait until tomorrow.

In the meantime….10, 9, 8, 76ers Summer League is here and Training Camp is coming.

Don’t push us Mr. Montgomery.  If you force these clowns (Amaro/Wolever) on us for another year, I will strongly consider a 162 game detox.  The lady in my life will be quite supportive of such an endeavor.  I’ve learned over the past week or so that it might be easier than I initially imagined.