4 Reasons the Eagles Should Stay Away from Christian McCaffrey

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Howie Roseman and the Eagles need to stay away from Christian McCaffrey. No way, no how do I want to see McCaffrey in an Eagles helmet.

I don’t want a running back period, but McCaffrey may be the running back I want the least, even after seeing his impressive instagram training video.

Why?

FIRST, his name is McCaffrey. People will call him McCafferty for years on Philadelphia sports talk radio. McCafferty would be cute for a few weeks, but years of mispronouncing McCaffrey as McCafferty will drive all loyal sportsradio listeners completely bonkers.

SECOND, he’s a Caucasian who plays running back. No offense to Danny Woodhead, but white running backs haven’t really set the NFL world on fire in the past thirty years. Tom Rathman or John Riggins the last great ones? They played more like a fullback.

Who else is there? Merrill Hoge? Mike Alstott? Alstott was good, but also pretty much the fullback mold. Zach Zenner? Rex Burkhead? James Develin? Toby Gerhart? Peyton Hillis? And, while Danny Woodhead is a solid 3rd down back, he’s not worthy of a first round pick.

THIRD, he’s from Stanford. I’m not a fan of PAC12 running backs. I thought Reggie Bush was the next coming of O.J. Simpson. Stanford seems to be the worst PAC12 school for RBs. Here are the running backs drafted out of Stanford since 1979: Tyler Gaffney, Stepfan Taylor, Owen Marecic, Toby Gerhart (again), Casey Moore, Brian Allen, Jon Ritchie, Glyn Milburn, Brad Muster, Darrin Nelson, Phil Francis.

FOURTH, he’s got bad genes—Giants genes running through his veins. His dad Ed was drafted and played the heinous New York Football Giants. This alone should be enough to disqualify Christian from wearing Eagles Green (Kelly or Midnight).

Zero studs worthy of a first round pick in 38 years. We all have a soft-spot for Jon Ritchie, but not first round material.

I don’t feel good writing this article, because McCaffrey seems like a good kid. But, this is business.

I’m a gambling man. I rely on an analysis of trends, historical data, and odds. The trends and historical data of Caucasian RBs and Stanford RBs in the NFL individually indicate poor odds that McCaffrey will achieve great success in the NFL. If you combine them, they are abysmal. I play craps at the casinos because those are the best odds I can get in the house and I lose often. The odds of McCaffrey succeeding, based on 38 years of trends, are far worse than craps.

No thanks. If he does succeed, well then that’s just a bad beat that I’ll gladly take if I can get a starting DB or LB out of the first round instead of scoffing in the face of decades of trends.

If the football gods are shining down on Philly fans Thursday, McCaffrey will be gone by 14 so the temptation isn’t even there.