Strange Night at the Ballpark

by Posted on

As a Philly glutton for punishment, I rolled down to Citizens Bank Park with a buddy the night after the Phillies got thrashed by the Dodgers 16-2. It was hot. There was zero breeze at the lower level seats. My ass bordered on swampiness as the hard plastic seats trap heat better than a brick oven Tacconelli’s Pizza. Seriously, all stadiums moving forward need to install more breathable seats. People are strolling around the concourse looking like they pissed themselves from sweat. Seats like these would supreme:

It was a full moon and definitely a strange night at the ballpark. It wasn’t strange that the Phillies gave up a 6-1 lead. What was more strange was that they came back to win and some of the sights.

Hunter Pence was a flash-in-the-pan in Philly and wasn’t anything special while he was here, yet here’s a Pence jersey six years after he left town.

Lack of self-awareness was on full display, too. I’m not one to tell anyone what to do with their bodies or hair. Do whatcha like. However, you gotta know when you’re infringing upon another’s enjoyment of the game—like when your hair is so long that it dips into the guy behind ya’s beer.

When did the Phillies decide to bring back the Hot Pants Patrol?

I like how the modernized the outfit a bit with the Vans slip-ons. I’m still confused by what appears to be a Bobby Abreu jersey. Maybe she’s a special guest when they put Abreu on the Wall of Fame later this season and she was doing a run-through. I don’t know.

Another odd jersey of the night was an Arrieta Cubs jersey. In a state of shock, I was slow to the draw and could only manage this blurry picture of the Arrieta or Cubs fan.

And then, there was what appears to be the guy wearing Chooch meets Phish Speedo-like underwear with his salmon shorts drooping just enough to keep the mystery alive. Are they Chooch or are they not?

That’s enough weirdness for one post. Here are a few shots of the Phanatic to get your head right as he stopped by our section. Be warned, there is a barefoot at the stadium Violation in one of them.