Eagles 2021 Schedule: 14-3 Record & Detroit Road Trip

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The Philadelphia Eagles 2021 schedule is out. Some folks think it’s a rebuilding year for the birds. I look at this schedule and I see 14-3 Division Champs.

The factors going into this are many and easy to see to even the casual NFL fan.

SEVEN REASONS FOR EAGLES OPTIMISM

1. Howie has stopped listening to that old bag Phil Donahoe. We all saw the video of grumpy old man Donahoe refusing to fist-bump Howie because he wanted to draft a long-snapper in the third round. Go Howie!

2. Nick Sirianni is a kid-genius new coach so no one will be able to prepare for him early. That should give the birds a jump on the rest of the league.

3. Youngest, fastest receiver crop in the NFL. Heismann-winner DeVonta Smith joins the burners of Jalen Reagor (4.47), Quez Watkins (4.36), John Hightower (4.43). People ask if they can catch the ball? The pertinent question is: can anyone catch them without a motorized vehicle?

4. Brandon Brooks is back and a jiu-jitsu beast. I love it. Howie should just draft jiu-jitsu champs and rugby players going forward for the offensive line.

5. The linebackers are underrated. Alex Singleton may be slower and undersized, but he’s a ballhawk with great hair. You can’t deny that great hair is a trademark of great linebackers i.e. Clay Matthews. Singleton’s hair is more luxurious so the ceiling is even higher.

Third-round red-shirt rookie Davion Taylor has fresher legs than almost any LB in the NFL coming into this season. LOOKOUT!

Nate “The White Snake” Gerry is going to be fired up. Tawny Kitaen, the 80’s video vixen and star of several Whitesnake videos tragically passed away this week. No chance “The White Snake” doesn’t dedicate this season to Tawny and play at an All-Pro level.

6. Brandon Graham has another year of experience under him. He should be the savviest defensive player on the field all year.

7. The running backs are stacked. The Eagles have three 3-down backs. What other team has that? Miles Sanders is a stud when he holds onto the ball. Kerryon Johnson off waivers? Are you kidding me? He was a 3rd-string stud on my fantasy squad last year. Rookie Gainwell tore up Memphis. Degenerate gamblers and Memphis alumni, the only people watching Memphis games, all saw Kenneth Gainwell tear up the AAC Conference. We all know that Conference is stacked. Might as well call it the NFL G-League.

14-3 PREDICTION.

The reasons for optimism with this franchise are at an all-time high. Then, you take a look at this schedule and a 14-3 record seems like a no-brainer.

WEEK 1 at Atlanta. Matty Ice is old. He’s a career 4-4 vs. the Eagles and his second-lowest career QB rating is 83.2 vs. the Eagles. The Eagles live rent-free in his head. WIN 1-0.

WEEK 2 San Francisco. Who is quarterbacking this team? Jimmy G, I mean mediocare? He’s busy dating porn stars. Trey Lance? We’ve seen North Dakota State QBs crumble under the pressure in Philly. This would be no different. WIN 2-0.

WEEK 3 at Dallas. Are we supposed to be scared about Dak coming off that brutal injury? Or is it Mike McCarthy that Eagles fans are supposed to fear? WIN 3-0.

WEEK 4 Kansas City. LOSS 3-1.

WEEK 5 at Carolina. Darnold? Stop. Christian McCaffrey? He’ll be injured by week 3. WIN 4-1.

WEEK 6 Tampa. Brady vs. Eagles. Say no more. Super Bowl LII still haunts him. WIN 5-1.

WEEK 7 at Las Vegas. Gruden, Mayock, Carr? Might as well call them Larry, Moe, and Curly. Carr stinks. WIN 6-1.

WEEK 8 at Detroit. Goff will stink worse once the Lions stink takes full hold. Sirianni coaches circles around meathead Dan Campbell, who is better skilled for the WWE than NFL. WIN 7-1.

WEEK 9 San Diego. Everyone drooling over quarterback sensation Justin Herbert. The sophomore slump is coming. Bobby Hebert was a better QB. WIN 8-1.

WEEK 10  at Denver. The altitude is the most concerning aspect of this game. The Eagles are 0-3 in their last three games in Denver so they’re due. WIN 9-1.

WEEK 11 New Orleans. Jameis Winston? Taysom Hill? Away from the Dome? WIN 10-1.

WEEK 12 at New York (Giants). Split with the Giants. LOSS 10-2.

WEEK 13 at New York Jets. It’s the Jets. WIN 11-2.

WEEK 14  BYE

WEEK 15 Washington. Ryan Fitz-geriatric is quarterbacking? He’s also weak 9-13-1 career vs. NFC East teams. WIN 12-2.

WEEK 16 New York (Giants). Split. Eagles win this on. WIN 13-2.

WEEK 17 at Washington. Fitz-geriatric is totally exhausted by week 17. WIN 14-2.

WEEK 18 Dallas. Eagles sit all their starters. LOSS 14-3.

BEST ROAD TRIP FOR 2021

DETROIT!

Don’t sleep on the Paris of the Midwest. You got the Motown Museum. You have Founders Brewing Company Taproom. You can also hop a bridge to Windsor, Ontario, Canada, which is basically a mini Vegas with casinos and well-respected Gentlemen’s Clubs.

Also, have you looked at the prices of tickets to the Eagles/Raiders game? Here is a sample for tickets at the 30-yard line for $1,760 each.

What do 30-yard line tickets for Eagles at Detroit go for? $207.

There you have it. Enjoy the 14-3 season and enjoy your Halloween weekend in Detroit!

Go Birds!