Confession of a Wave-Starter
I am fun. I am the life of parties. Most people like me. Let me rephrase that. Most people love me. I am a ballpark Wave-Starter. This is my story.
The Begining
I think it started in elementary school. In the fourth grade, I brought a whoopie cushion to class. When Miss Dearie turned to write on the chalkboard I placed the cushion on my desk and pounced down on it. It sounded like the loudest fart ever. The entire class erupted in laughter. From that moment, I knew I was funny. My purpose became bringing fun to people’s mundane worlds.
When I go to the movies, I’m the guy who yells lines or jokes aloud that are normally funnier than the original script. If you’ve been to the movies lately, you know how hard it is to find a good script. I bump them up like a ghostwriter making the experience more entertaining.
I’m a great heckler at comedy shows. Comedians love me because I end up giving them a ton of material. They bust on my hairy mole, the way I dress, and sometimes my bad breath. The crowds laugh their asses off. I should probably get a percentage of the door.
I also ignore all the warnings about putting your phone on silent mode at the movies, theaters, libraries, or wherever. My ringtone is just too funny. When someone calls me, Jack Dawson screams out “I’m King of the world,” from Titanic. It sounds epic in quiet atmospheres.
Wherever I go, I make the experience more memorable. If you can’t tell, I love the attention. It’s the best drug ever!
Timing
Wave-starting isn’t as easy as it looks. Timing is everything in orchestrating a successful wave launch. For example, if you try to start a wave during a Monday through Thursday game that doesn’t have any promotions you’re doomed. The people who attend those games are boring, sports nerds interested in zero distractions. That’s why I target weekend games and theme nights like Dollar Dog Night, Stars Wars Night, Grateful Dead Night because they draw large amounts of casual fans.
You also have to know exactly where in the game to launch your wave to have the maximum ripple effect. Many inexperienced aspiring wave-starters are too eager and end up shooting their loads too early. Patience is vital.
The odds of a successful launch in the first four or five innings are slim. Fans, even the casual fans who adore us wave-starters, are still in awe of the ballgame experience. They’re walking around, partaking in activities for the kids, or eating. They’re just not bored enough.
This is a failed 5th-inning attempt:
I find it is best to wait until after the 7th-inning stretch. Once the stretch is over, there’s nothing left for the masses to look forward to. It is at that point, any time after the start of the 8-inning, that I stand and find myself well-received.
Then, my natural leadership skills take over. It’s like I’m on autopilot. I articulate the plan with confidence to the bored people seated in my section. I provide succinct instructions with a brief demo. After a countdown from three, I command them to their feet with their arms reaching to the sky.
It normally takes two or three attempts for the sections next to mine to catch on, but it’s quick. I’m commanding. I’m the leader the people need.
When that wave gets going, I feel such a sense of purpose and meaning in the world. Section after section stands all because of me. I am no longer “Nick” in marketing. I’m the Maestro of the Masses. The Conductor of the Casuals. The Leonard Bernstein of ballpark waves.
The Hate
Haters will hate. That’s what they do. You know the type. They’re people who don’t dance at weddings. They sit during concerts. They keep quiet in quiet cars. Total bores—duds. They’re usually ugly and out-of-shape. At least if they joined the wave they’d be getting a sliver of some much-needed cardio in their dull lives.
Who cares if they miss a pitch or three or a hit or a great play? They can watch the replays on their phones. This is about being part of something bigger than yourself. It’s about being part of the single greatest thing to ever happen to live sporting events—The Wave!
Hope to see you at a ballgame soon.