New York Giants Rant
With the Giants coming to town, It’s time for some New York City Hate-filled Rant!
CLAIRE DANES – If it wasn’t for a large group of males between 28-40 with puberty-filled memories of her from My So-Called Life she would be another forgotten childhood star. Nobody overacts like Ms. Danes. She’s the Michael Jordon of overacting. Her facial expressions in serious scenes are comical. Worst actress on TV.
HERMAN MELVILLE – OVERRATED! Screw you for writing Moby Dick and indirectly forcing hundreds of thousands of kids to labor through this drawn out boring adventure. Your descriptions are mind-numbing. They go on and on and one. I don’t even know how this book ends because I couldn’t get through it and went the route of Cliff’s Note memorization. Anyone who says they like this book is lying or hasn’t read a good book. Sorry.
FRAN DRESCHER– No one wants to hear you laugh. We never did.
BILLY CRYSTAL – This guy is the king of smug and self-importance and who wouldn’t be after starring in such great films as: City Slickers, City Slickers II: The Legend of Curly’s Gold, Analyze This, Analyze That, Mr. Saturday Night. This guy had like three skits on SNL four decades ago that were somewhat funny….Smelts Night being the best. Who made him the official comedian on sports and sports history? This dude isn’t nearly as funny as his ego thinks he is.
MADISON SQUARE GARDEN – Yeah, I’ve been there. Eh, nothing special. It sure as hell ain’t no Spectrum!
CENTRAL PARK – It’s a fucking park with a ridiculous excuse of a zoo in it. Give me Fairmount Park any day. Hell, I’d rather spend a day in Juniata Park.
DELI SANDWICHES – They put a pound of meat on a sandwich and we’re supposed to worship New York as the mecca of deli sandwiches. I’ll put Tony Luke’s, John’s Roast Pork, Nick’s, Jim’s, and a host of other Philly places against any hyped-up, bloated, over-priced pound of meat between two pieces of bread they call a sandwich in NYC.
I hate Phil McConkey and his moustache.
The overrated Ray Knight instills instant hate. Dude was way overrated. He married Nancy Lopez??? This guy thought Eric Davis slid into him too hard in 1986 and sucker punched Eric Davis while an umpire was holding David back. JO!
New Yorkers think they have the greatest pizza in the World. I’ve been to Lombardi’s and others. Wrong! It’s good, not great. Tacconelli’s and Santucci’s trump it. No New Yorker will believe it because…well…it’s not from New York!
Living in New York doesn’t make you cool no matter how much rent you pay. There are decent, cool people in New York city but they are almost impossible to find with every douchebag living there for instant coolness credibility. This isn’t the 60’s or 70’s any longer. Most of the people living in New York are Wall Street and Financial assholes. Hey mediocre artists living in NYC, your art is still mediocre so you might as well move to Trenton where the rent is reasonable.
New York City doesn’t even make my Top Five Cities I’ve Been To:
1. Amsterdam
2. Berlin
3. Toronto
4. Paris
5. San Francisco
Rock shows also suck in NYC. Everyone is too cool and would rather stand around looking cool than enjoy the shows. I’ve seen better crowds in Toledo. That’s not an exaggeration.
They NYC transportation system is dirty and it sucks….take a lesson from Paris or Berlin.
Wildwood > Seaside Heights
Frank Sinatra is from Hoboken, NJ not NYC. Ha! That hurts, don’t it?
Six Point and Brooklyn are cute breweries. Come visit the Yards Brewery when ya want a world class beer!
Frank Gifford…hahahahahaha!
The Big Apple is a weak nickname.
New York can’t do soft pretzels.
And….New York can’t do football as we will see on Sunday Night. Yeah, you’ve had your run and won in the past. You know who clings to the past? Losers, losers who cling to their glory days of the past. The past doesn’t exist in the here and the now. We’ll see you Sunday Night.
FLY EAGLES FLY
E-A-G-L-E-S!