10 Things I’m Sick of 4 Weeks Into Eagles Season

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It’s only been four weeks, but this NFL season already feels like 12 games have past. This isn’t quite how things were supposed to work out. The Eagles weren’t supposed to be 1-3. This old Mudhoney video pretty much sums up my emotional football state at the quarter point of the season:

I’m full of angst and I’m sick!

-I’m sick of boring games. I wasn’t a supporter of Chip’s when he was hired. The last thing I wanted was another gimmick offense after a couple of years with Mike Vick. Gimmicks don’t work at the NFL level. The coaches and players are too good. The one thing I and we all expected was a fast-paced, frenetic, explosive offense. Would the Eagles win under Chip Kelly? Maybe or maybe not, but they’d be fun to watch, right? There’s been nothing fun about watching the Eagles so far. They are a frustrating bore. The first halves have been borderline impossible to watch and I’M SICK OF IT!

-I’m sick of guards who look clueless during plays and probably couldn’t start on the worst team in the NFL. The guards appear to not know who to block or when to help Kelce. Kelce isn’t having a great year, but one has to think it’s because he’s got Curly and Shemp on his left and right. Again, this could’ve been avoided in the 2014 draft when the Eagles ignored chances at several players who have becomes above-average, productive guards. These guards blow right now and I’M SICK OF IT!

-I’m sick of kickers being relevant in Eagles games. Groins, missed extra points, missed field goals. What the f**k! Wasn’t Parkey injured all pre-season? There were rumors of it. I’m just a schlub and I had suspicions. Where were the precautions? Caleb Sturgis can’t make an extra point? They’re kickers. They shouldn’t be impactful in a Chip Kelly offense, but they have been and I’M SICK OF IT!

-I’m sick of tension amongst fellow Eagles fans. These “geniuses” who know Chip would falter and jump at the chance to rub it in the face of fans who chose to trust a guy who took Andy Reid’s mess and win 10 games back-to-back. It’s almost as if they take enjoyment out of the Eagles losing so they can brag about how smart they were and how gullible some Eagles fans were. We’re supposed to be in this together. Why would you take any kind of solace in the Eagles losing games? Shut the hell up. They say Lurie should’ve never given Chip GM duties. Agreed. But, we do remember that Howie Roseman wasn’t exactly GM of the Year (see above reference to missing guards in 2014 draft). Between Roseman and Kelly, I’d probably trust Kelly, too. The big mistake was probably not making Tom Gamble the GM. I’ve heard how smart these Chip-haters are a hundred times too many. I’M SICK OF IT!

-I’m sick of people bringing up Foles, McCoy, Jackson, and Mathis. The Eagles aren’t losing because these players aren’t here. I like Foles, always did. However, he was horrendous under pressure as an Eagle. He’d be a mess behind this line. McCoy has been outplayed considerably by Karlos Williams and doesn’t have a rushing TD yet this year. Jackson’s season was stopped by a tackling sled. Evan Mathis signed for less than what the Eagles were going to pay him. He’s had shoulder and hamstring issues. He’s part of a line that is as bad or worse than the Eagles. The Broncos line has given up two more sacks and that’s with the Peyton Manning. They are 28th in rushing yards with Mathis at guard. The Eagles are 29th with Curly and Shemp. Stop saying the Eagles would’ve been better off keeping those players. You’re wrong and I’M SICK OF IT!

-I’m sick of hearing about Time of Possession. Yo, this isn’t soccer with 45 minutes of play without interruption. This is NFL football. There is a stop in the action between pretty much every play. Most teams huddle or stand at the line calling plays. Every change of possession has commercial breaks that feel like they’re longer than an art-house French film. I know that the defense is at a disadvantage because they don’t know the play, but does that mean that the opposing offensive players don’t get fatigued at all? The offensive line is blocking for all those minutes. And, most teams don’t shuffle offensive linemen in and out depending on the down and distance do the defensive line might actually be fresher. Chip is never going to change his style so shut up already! I’M SICK OF IT!

-I’m sick of people talking about benching Sam Bradford for Mark Sanchez. It’s four games in. Im’ not ready to give up just yet. That’s what Mark Sanchez signifies. He’s average, nothing better. Sure, he might run for thirty yards a game, but chances are it’ll be backwards with this offensive line. Sanchez throwing 3 INTs a game and rushing for 30 yards isn’t going to win any games. His blazing speed isn’t going to keep linebackers honest because chances are the defensive ends and tackles are already in the Eagles backfield. Stop calling for Sanchez, it’s ridiculous and I’M SICK OF IT!

-I’m sick of the Ryan Matthews/DeMarco Murray debate. Do we really need a running back controversy? It’s been four weeks. Just play whoever has the hot hand. I don’t care which one it is. I don’t care if it varies from week to week. I don’t care how much each one of them makes. Do we really need to waste time discussing why one is having more success than the other and which one is #1 on the depth charts? Who cares, just hand them the ball and see how they perform week- to-week. I don’t care if Murray doesn’t get another attempt if Matthews is successful and vice versa. It’s a waste of energy and I’M SICK OF IT!

-I’m sick of Chip Kelly wearing a hat during the games. Where the hell is the visor? This hat business is no good for business. Tom Landry had his hat. Chip had his visor. It’s still sunny enough for the visor. The visor is his signature look. Chip looks ordinary in a hat and his team has been playing that way. Lose the hat, I’M SICK OF IT!

-I’m sick of hearing that the NFC East is within reach. Yes, it’s true. Yes, ESPN has recently rated the Eagles with the best chance of winning the division. Can the Eagles get to .500 football before anyone worries about winning the division. Come on, already. They’re 1-3. Division? Baby steps. Stop talking about winning the division before the Eagles win a game in the division. I’M SICK OF IT!